1 Year Dad-iversary

My wife went back to work following New Year’s and that means I have been a Stay-At-Home Dad for one solid year. In the handful of posts I have added to this blog I have detailed some of the finer points of raising my daughter. And like most of you parents out there, you all know what it is like to raise a toddler. So as a way to reflect, I will merely pinpoint some of the aspects I find worthwhile to being a Stay-At-Home Dad. Hope you enjoy.

  1. Being a Stay-At-Home Dad is super easy.
  2. No, I mean, like SUPER EASY.
  3. There is nothing I hate more than seeing or hearing people tell others that are about to have a child for the first time “Well, prepare to never sleep again.” Wait, what? Just because you’re a crappy time manager doesn’t mean everyone else is. I’ve slept pretty fine over the past year. Not every night but most nights.  Also, as a Stay-At-Home Dad I can always make up lost sleep during nap time. Sometimes Olivia is also asleep during this period.
  4. Spending all day at home with a child that can’t walk yet is sooooo boring. I never truly realized this until the moment Olivia started walking and then we could actually do things together.
  5. Almost everywhere you go during mid Morning and mid Afternoon is inundated with women. I’ll admit it does get a little weird to be the only guy pushing around a cart with a kid while all the moms are pushing their kids around. Especially since I try to make it fun with her and they always appear to have at least one screaming child in their midst. I feel the bitter resentment on the back of my neck. Then I smile and continue doing cute and adorable stuff with my daughter.
  6. When your 16 month old is eating breakfast and watching Mike & Mike in the morning with you, and then screams “Go, go, go!” during a football highlight, just know that her development is firmly headed in the right direction and you are doing exactly what you are suppose to be doing. She’s going to be just fine.
  7. Dads have perfected the art of “over-exaggeration” when it comes to parenthood. I read a book the other day and the author, a comedian, was discussing lists. Under the list for How to Survive an Attack by a Toddler, his number one item needed was Falcon Gloves. I don’t know, but if I need Falcon Gloves it’s generally for a falcon. If you can’t handle your kid without those, maybe you should think about adoption. My theory: Dads over-exaggerate as a way to make themselves feel tougher since they can’t pass a baby through their urethra.
  8. Being in the Army was insanely harder than being a Stay-At-Home Dad. There they expected you to get up at 530a.m. for PT. EVERY DAY. Here, you can sleep in and get as fat as you want. Remember, the Dad-bod is the new IT body.
  9. Wives appreciate it when dinner is already made when they get home from work.
  10. I have already forgotten almost everything that happened before Olivia started walking. I’m sure once she learns how to fly when she jumps off the bed I am going to completely forget her walking phase.
  11. Wearing the same pair of jeans 8 days in a row is not only sensible, but economical as well.
  12. If you wear a shirt one day but don’t go anywhere, it is permissible to wear that same shirt again the next day as long as you have folded it up and put it in your drawer. If you pick it up off the floor the next morning, then it is to be considered dirty.
  13. It is okay to tell your wife that you had a busy day even if you only went to the market to get strawberries. For a Stay-At-Home Dad that is a lot to do in one day.
  14. Never feel bad for wearing sweatpants until 1100a.m. every morning.
  15. Just because all your neighbors got new pickup trucks doesn’t mean you get one, too.
  16. The wife bought me a new blue-tooth wireless speaker for Christmas to listen to all my new Metallica and Avenged Sevenfold music. I have only listened to Disney on Pandora.
  17. Repetition is the mother of all skill.
  18. Other parents have lots of great advice for raising children. Largely ignore it and raise your kid however the hell you want.
  19. Nothing is more terrifying than watching your child hold your $200 Oakley sunglasses in their hands.
  20. Hugs and kisses are the best and I hope they never, ever stop.

 

Well sports fans, that’s it for today. Feel free to leave any other nuggets of wisdom. Except for you Mike.

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