As you have no doubt heard, and if you haven’t then I am sorry to be the one to break the news to you, Toys R Us is dead. They will be shutting their doors for the final time in the coming months, and that includes Babies R Us as well. Upon learning this news, everyone born between 1973 and 1985 took to the interwebs to voice their sadness and displeasure that the place where a “kid could be a kid” would no longer be a place where anybody could be anything.
Which is pretty funny, if you think about it. How many of these kids actually got stuff from Toys R Us? More importantly, how many of them are still buying stuff from there? There have been facebook stories regaling us with sappy memories of growing up within this toystore, about being a Toys R Us kid their entire life. But perhaps that is a stretch. I remember going to Toys R Us as a child. I also remember rarely ever actually getting anything from there. Sure the store was fun to walk through. But it isn’t like you could actually play with the toys themselves. They were all boxed up on the shelves. With expensive pricetags to boot. Legos have always cost an arm and a leg. Even in 1990, $100 for a Nintendo game system was astronomical. Who’s parents actually bought them? Remote control cars were ridiculously marked. Barbie, GI Joe, Cabbage Patch Kids, Care Bears? They sure as hell didn’t care that you couldn’t afford ’em.
The commercials were neat. A talking giraffe? Hell yea that’s cool. Of course, he was never in the store when you went there. He was probably off eating Happy Meals with Ronald McDonald. You know what would have been, and would still be awesome? You walk into Toys R Us and there’s a real life giraffe. That’d be cool.
We take our daughter to Toys R Us quite a bit. We love walking through there, and have actually bought quite a few things from there. But who else can really claim this? Target, Walmart, Kohls and their Kohls Cash, not to mention Amazon, all have an enormous leg up on Toys R Us. Better deals and quick, hassle-free shopping from your couch. Ever try to buy anything from Toys R Us website? No. Because it sucks monkey biscuits. Trying to find anything on that site is impossible. They were destined to fail, and for people to be shocked by this, is, well, shocking.
Is it sad that my daughter is probably going to call her parents complete and utter liars when we try to explain to her that once upon a time she walked through the aisles of a store the size of Walmart that was home to nothing but toys and games and bikes? Of course it is. It’s also sad that the Zune didn’t make it and Caldor closed. But when people don’t actually buy the crap from the store, what else can you expect?
So, Toys R Us is about to bid a fond farewell. People will continue to weep, post nostalic pictures of 1980’s newspaper ads from them, and talk about being a Toys R Us kid (again, wierd, since most your shit probably actually came from Montgomery Ward). Most won’t even bother to go to the store when all their stuff is marked down 40%, because you can just get it shipped for free from Amazon Prime.
